January 2009

Dear Grandma,
Can you hear me up there?
What's Heaven like?
Can you see me clear?

You shouldn't be gone yet.
We all miss you so.
I know you were tired,
But why must you go?

Your wake is tomorrow,
Your friends will be there.
It's funny how when things like this happen,
Everyone seems to care.

I wish I'd seen you more,
That's my fault, not yours.
I wish when I was there,
I hadn't seemed to bored.

I know you loved us all,
You expressed it in so many ways.
I wish I could say it back,
Right now to your face.

I want to hug you tight,
And never let you go.
There's so much I regret,
And I'll never let it go.


R.I.P January 21, 1943 - January 16, 2009

January 2009

Razorblade Tattoos
Such a lovely view
I knew you'd love to see your name
Scratched across my veins

Oh so fun to do
Quite beautiful too
An addiction I can not fight
Cause it makes me feel alright

Semi permanent ink
As red as you would think
The cuts give me release
Like you'd never believe

I'd love to show you my art
Would it make you fall apart?
Would you even care,
If tmrw I wasn't here?

I'll pretend you would
To make me feel okay
I cannot change the lies
You told me everyday

You're never coming back
I sit here all alone
This'll never change
The addiction can't be thrown.

January 2009

As you ran away, You left me here,
Making cuts without a care.
I tried to warn you, I tried to call,
I needed you, that is all.

Now Lying on the bathroom floor,
Replaying you calling me a whore.
Feeling pain throughout my limbs
How much longer can I go on like this?

It's only when I really think,
About all the times we had those weeks.
It makes me crack, crumble, and fall.
I thought you'd be there through it all.

I'm shaking now,
I'm blanking out.
All I want to do is shout.
I want to hate you, oh so bad.
But at you, I can't be mad.

They say that love changes someone,
It makes them not say no.
That's how I felt when I was with you,
But I'm not sure, maybe you know.

My hands are cold,
My toes are too.
I'm freezing now,
How are you?

That's all I ask, and I worry too.
I want to be there to help you.
But she fucking does,
You don't need me.
She's more than I will ever be.

Take my heart,
And tear it apart.
Laugh and tell me I'm not smart.

Say your last goodbyes before I die.
Try and tell me that it's all alright.
But you'll leave again, and things will change.
Unless you're here, I'll never be the same.

January 2009

Don't know how much more I can take
Standing here about to break
Dropping down on hands an knees
You not being here is killing me

Falling apart so beautifully
All of this is new to me
Tell me a story we both once knew
The story where I fell in love with you

How does it feel to fall in love with a lie
It's the same way I've learned to always get by
He knows I'm so different now than before
He knows that I love him
He knows that I'm torn

I don't even like you
I never even did
Maybe I'm stupid
I'm still just a kid

I'm feeling your sorrows
I'm feeling your pain
I'm feeling your weakness, you pity, your games.

I hate that stupid story
Then one you always told
Where wedding bells would ring
And together we'd grow old

Soon this girl stepped into play
But my love forever stayed
You laughed and quickly went away
A broken promise that will never fade

She says "am i more than you bargained for?"
She wants to know so bad
Cause she knows she might be too much
But if you leave her now she wont get mad.

August 2007

A big mistake,
To her that's him.
He seemed so sweet,
And innocent.
She can't believe,
She went out with him.
Three months ago,
They called it quits again.

Now she's kind of in love with this amazing boy
But her ex still haunts her mind
She gave him a chance to break her heart
She didn't think like that.

She still can't believe
She made out with him.
To him she's just another girl,
To her he was the first love in her world.

She wasn't pretty enough.
She wouldn't give it up.
She wasn't thin enough.
His requirements for a girl were so damn tough.

December 2008

Hold on to me,
Would you please?
Tell me that I'm all I can be.
Open up, Let me in.
Tell me that you'll be my friend,
forever.

I can't go on,
In a game like this.
I can't let go,
That I'm not his.
I find your secrets,
So easy to keep,
But that's not how you feel,
About me.

Biggest Mistakes, You're so fakes.
The stupid put downs we always take.
We kill each other with stupid words,
Things so bad, I've never heard from you.
Too bad I fell in love with you.

Hold on to me,
Say I'm all you need,
...please.

August 2007

You're the one person I wanted to talk to,
But I fear we'll have nothing to say.
I guess I just wanted to let you know,
I'm scared I can't take one more day.

So many nights,
Laid awake and I cried,
Wishing to return to my past.
There's just somethings that happen once,
And no matter how hard you try,
You can't get them back.

I just wanted to tell you that I miss you
And I miss talking to you every day.
There's something more I wanted to tell you,
But you don't love me in the same way.

I held the phone in my hands last night while I cried.
And I must tell you I've never felt so alive.
With my heart beating fast,
I remembered my past,
And the tears rushed back down my face.

Another year has come and gone,
Still wondering what I did wrong.
It's hard to know that you're still here,
But it's not for me that you care.

And if there's one thing you would hear from me,
It would be..

I just wanted to tell you that I miss you
And I miss talking to you every day.
There's something more I wanted to tell you,
But you don't love me in the same way.